Now that we have one foot out the door, the reality of leaving Shanghai and moving to Cincinnati is really setting in. As I walked down the street in my neighborhood this morning, seeing all the local residents carrying out their morning routines, it struck me that I'm just going from one foreign place to a different foreign place.
After living overseas for about seven years I know how to be the outsider. In fact, I welcome being the outsider. It's an amusing challenge, and one you can't really lose. As an outsider you will surprise people no matter what, whether you manage to speak some words in their language, show an unexpected courtesy, or just do nothing and try to blend in.
But the difference of being an outsider in Asia and an outsider in Cincinnati is that my outsider labels in Asia are easy to see: foreigner, Westerner, trailing spouse, English speaker. Locals know right away that I speak a different language, I probably don't eat a lot of their favorite foods, I shop at different stores, I take a taxi more often than the metro, my baby doesn't always wear socks, and I won't be living here forever.
When I get to Cincinnati all of my "outsider" labels are hidden, at least at first glimpse: world-traveler, adventurous eater, multi-lingual (if you count basic skills), cultural chameleon. What they see on the surface is mom, wife, average lady doing average things. It is not obvious that I have a favorite dumpling, I've seen the Gobi desert twice, I can bargain for shoes in Mandarin, my baby knows "gongxi gongxi", and I've seen enough pee, snot, and dead animals on the street that nothing could possibly phase me on a morning walk to the park. When they ask "Where did you go to school?" wanting to know my high school and I respond "Well, I'm from Texas" that will be foreign enough! Never mind that I used to ride my bike around Ho Tay in Hanoi, my daughter's first zoo was in Singapore, I ran the Great Wall half marathon, and I could see the 2nd tallest building in the world from my last apartment... on a clean-air day.
And when I think about all the different things I could list to finish that last paragraph I feel like a real snob. When you bring expat experiences back "home" a lot of people just can't relate. Or they fantasize about it and image it's just like one giant vacation. Depending how I tell the stories it can be one amazing tour around the world: riding an elephant in Thailand, diving the Great Barrier Reef, eating black pepper crab in Singapore, buying carpets at the bazaar in Kashgar, marveling over the Hong Kong skyline from the Star Ferry, enjoying total silence among the cliffs in Halong Bay. Or it can be the craziest and most frustrating time: nearly getting run over by Shanghai city buses or taxis at every corner, being covered in sweat and dust before getting to work every day in Hanoi, or spending boring nights at home while the husband is traveling for business... again.
When I review those two extremes in my experience, I realize it's the good ones that will last in my memory forever. I actually had to think harder about the annoying stuff because it is already fading away, and most of it is superficial and just part of daily life anyway. One important common factor in every place we've lived is the people. From St. Louis, to Hanoi, the short time back in Houston, and now Shanghai, there are so many people that have made the best experiences even more special, and have made the worst experiences bearable. I know I'll find new people in Cincinnati that will continue the trend, but that doesn't make it any easier to leave behind the ones that have already meant so much.
So, residents of Cincinnati, I come with a notice and a request. My notice: I'm not trying to be awkward or obnoxious, I just haven't lived in the US for quite a while. My request: please be patient while I get reassimilated to American life, and forgive me if I start telling the same story again about "When we lived overseas..." That was my life, and it is still a part of me, and I'm going to keep sharing it, remembering it, and loving it.
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